


Reaching Out

by sanctuary_for_all



Series: Home and Family [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bonding, Established Relationship, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Schmoop, Slash, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-21 04:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1538399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Tony froze, his head slowly lifting. "When you say 'sweetheart,'" he said carefully. "You mean old person for 'boyfriend,' right?"</em>
</p><p>When Bucky’s arm goes on the fritz, he and Steve ask Tony for help. Things … don’t go exactly as planned.</p><p>***Sequel to "Home Is Where You Are," but can be read without it***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Call

Metallica blaring on the sound system, Tony bent his head as he finished soldering the casing for the modified arc reactor sitting next to his elbow. He'd gotten the idea to create a portable generator for third-world countries from a documentary Pepper had made him sit through the night before. Ideally, he'd have the prototype finished by the time she made it home for dinner.

Okay, so maybe he'd been more focused on distracting Pepper than actually watching the documentary. But he'd gotten the gist of it, and with the press _still_ trying to harass him for follow-up stories from the SHIELD data dump more than a month ago he needed _something_ to do with his hands.

Suddenly, the music got quieter. "Call for you, sir."

Tony didn't bother looking up. JARVIS would have told him if it had been Pepper or Rhodey on the phone. "Tell whoever it is that I'm busy plotting the death of the next reporter who asks me about my father, his death, or how I feel about the organization he helped create secretly being evil the whole time. Get creative with the details."

"I stopped taking calls from news outlets a week ago, sir. But you asked to be informed immediately if Agent Romanoff, Agent Barton or Captain Rogers attempted to contact you."

Tony lifted his head at that, interested enough now to actually turn off the soldering iron. He hadn't expected any of them to follow the route Hill had and come looking for a desk job – he was pretty sure Romanoff and Barton only wore business formal when they were about to kill someone, and he couldn't imagine Rogers had made it much past Google in his attempt to shed some of his dinosaur-ness.

The thing was ... they weren't what you'd call friends. But you never forgot the people you saved the world with, and three of them had just become jobless, possibly homeless and high on the government's "pain in our ass" list. If any of them needed help, he wanted to be ready.

"Who is it?" he asked, pulling off his safety goggles and stretching his shoulders. His best guess was Natasha, even if she was calling for one of the other two. He had seen firsthand that she could take care of herself, but she was also smart enough to take advantage of whatever resources she could get her hands on.

"Captain Rogers."

Well now, that was a surprise. Rogers hadn't even asked him for help during that whole manhunt thing he'd been on just after SHIELD went kablooey. He'd caught Hill "borrowing" a satellite or two and had graciously let her, after of course tracking everything she did and making note of every scrap of potentially useful information.

Now that he thought about it, he was kind of offended Rogers hadn't asked him.

"Put him through." He smirked, knowing the man on the other end of the phone could hear it in his voice. "Decided you finally want some help from the big boss on your little manhunt?"

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line, and Tony allowed himself a moment of triumph over the fact that he had discombobulated the Capsicle. Then he heard Rogers clear his throat, very carefully. "Actually, the person I was looking for found me a long time ago. That's kind of why I need your help."

Tony blinked. This is not how he expected the conversation to go. "Okay, that's terrifyingly vague. You're not in some supervillain prison, are you?" He stood without meaning to, the command to get his one remaining Iron Man suit out of storage already at the back of his throat.

"No! Geez, Stark, it's nothing like that." Okay, that actually sounded _embarrassed_. Tony slowly sat down as Rogers continued. "It's my ... friend, the one who found me. He needs your help."

Tony scrubbed a hand across his face, trying to figure out what exactly was going on. "Still a little too vague, Rogers. Like 'I need bail money' help? Or 'I need to be smuggled out of the country' help?"

Rogers sighed. "More like 'his cybernetic arm got electrocuted and now there's something wrong with it' help." There was a pause. "And ... friend was the wrong word."

Tony's brain was still too caught up in the phrase "cybernetic arm" – he'd nearly swooned when he'd heard those fabulous little words – to really be paying attention to the last bit. "I think the term you're looking for is 'frenemy,' Captain," he tossed out, already digging through his tools for everything he might need.

There was a hesitation on the other end of the line. "Actually," he said finally, "I think the word I was looking for was 'sweetheart.'"

Tony froze, his head slowly lifting. "When you say 'sweetheart,'" he said carefully. "You mean old person for 'boyfriend,' right?"

"No." Rogers' voice got soft, and way dopier than Tony had imagined was even possible. "I mean like you and Pepper."

Tony fell hard on his ass at that little revelation, catching the edge of his rolling stool and sending it skittering sideways. With a crashing noise, both it and Tony were tipped onto the floor.

"Stark? You okay?"

"I'm fine, fine." Tony scrambled to his feet, trying to process what he'd just heard. It wasn't the fact that Captain America was apparently at least bisexual – that was kind of hilarious, actually – but ... but ... he was in _love_. Mr. I Was Born Before Jokes Were Invented had gone and fallen in love with a guy with a cybernetic arm who apparently had an exciting enough life to be the target of a _manhunt_.

This ... this was such a bad idea.

"Yeah, I can help." Tony scrubbed a hand across his face. He might as well get a look at the guy, whoever it was – he was either going to have to chase him off for Cap's own good, nurse the big guy through a broken heart, or at the very least give Mr. Manhunt the 'hurt him and I'll make your life a living hell' speech.

Besides, there was still that cybernetic arm to consider. There should be enough time to get to play with it before any actual heartbreak or violence happened. "I'm in Long Beach. Where are you?"

"San Diego. The World's Largest Lemon was kind of a disappointment."

Tony closed his eyes. He wasn't strong enough for this. "I'll send a car down for you."


	2. Worry

The driver was polite but efficient, rolling up the partition between him and them the moment the car started. As soon as it slid closed, a little of the tension eased out of Bucky's shoulders.

"You didn't have to tell Stark about us," he said quietly, moving his leg over so it rested against Steve's. "'Friend' wasn't a lie."

Steve shook his head. "It felt too much like hiding you." He smiled a little as he rubbed his foot against Bucky's ankle. "Besides, to really keep him in the dark I'd have to stop touching you. And that's not gonna happen."

The corners of Bucky's mouth curved upward, but before he could get very far he winced and cradled his cybernetic arm.

Swearing under his breath, Steve leaned close. "It's getting worse, isn't it?"

"I'll manage." Carefully, Bucky stretched out the arm. "I'm pretty sure it's been electrocuted before this."

Steve suspected the words were meant to be comforting, which was why he didn't point out when they failed miserably. "Then something different must have happened this time, because it's _hurting_ you."

They'd been in Nevada when they'd picked up the tail, one that had turned into 12 HYDRA agents who had attempted a sneak attack. The survivors had taken poison rather than talk, so all they got was a "You'll never—" before Bucky had gotten to him. The man had been trying to shoot Steve in the back at the time.

The whole thing seemed less like a strike team out hunting and more like guards trying to neutralize a threat before they got too near to what they were protecting, which meant that there was still something back there. Something that HYDRA still thought was important enough to sacrifice men for.

But then Bucky's arm had started hurting him, and Steve's priorities had shifted. Maria had said Stark was in California at the moment, so that was where they headed. They hadn't been followed.

Bucky's brow lowered as he watched Steve's face. "HYDRA researchers have likely taken over one of the old government labs hidden in the desert." Weirdly enough, this time he sounded much closer to comforting. "We'll need intel if we want to have any chance of tracking it down."

"I know." He squeezed Bucky's leg, then sighed. "I should have been more prepared for something like this to happen. If I'd had my shield on me, we could have taken them out before they had a chance to hurt you." He'd left it in the truck, as he had for most of the trip before their little run-in in Nevada. Now, it was resting on the seat next to him.

Bucky raised an eyebrow, looking almost amused. "And if I'd had a gun, we could have killed them all and likely a bunch of civilians in the process." Regret flickered across his face. "Besides, even I know you're not supposed to go armed on _vacation_."

Steve's chest tightened at the undercurrents he could hear in Bucky's voice. "We don't have to do this." 

Bucky looked at him for another long moment, then sighed. "It'd eat you alive to know there're bad guys out there you're not stopping." He looked down at his hand, flexing his fingers experimentally. The movement was accompanied by a faint grinding sound that wasn't normal.

"No, it wouldn't." Steve's voice was firm as he met Bucky's eyes. "Not if I still had you."

He knew he should probably feel guilty about that, and he'd have to make sure to tell either Stark or Natasha about the Nevada location if he and Bucky didn't do anything about it. But Bucky had spent the last 70 years fighting and killing for the sake of a country that had only hurt him. If anyone deserved a rest, it was him.

And Steve ... he went where Bucky went. If that meant leaving Captain America behind, then so be it.

"You're serious," Bucky murmured, the surprise evident in his eyes.

"Sam suggested we try Ultimate Fighting." The corners of his mouth curled upward. "I do know you'd look good in those little shorts."

Slowly, a small smile snuck its way onto Bucky's face. "So you're telling me the best way to take Captain America out of commission is by kissing him on a regular basis."

Steve grinned. "Wouldn't work for just anyone."

"Good." Bucky leaned in to kiss him, quick and gentle, and when he pulled back Steve could see a thousand different emotions in his eyes. "We'll talk about it later, okay?" He exhaled. "After I completely ruin Stark's opinion of your good judgment just by existing."

"He didn't have that high an opinion of my good judgment in the first place," Steve said, voice wry. He took Bucky's hand in his, tangling their fingers together. "Actually, meeting you might improve it."

It was one of the reasons he'd told Stark about Bucky the way he had. Steve had only met Pepper Potts once, in the immediate aftermath of the mess in New York, but he'd see the way the arrogant, incredibly brave loudmouth had held her like she was the most precious thing in the world. For all his faults, Tony Stark understood what it was like to love someone.

Teasing, he could handle. They both could. But he'd wanted Stark to understand just how precious Bucky really was.

His best friend smiled as if he could hear his thoughts. "Don't worry," he teased gently. "I'll protect you."

Steve smiled. "Never expected anything else."


	3. Awkward Introductions

It had been long enough that emotions were no longer the surprise they once were, but Bucky still found himself labeling the sensations that washed through him from day to day. He studied them like he once studied targets, trying to make them familiar enough again that he would no longer need to think about them at all. Until he could just feel, like normal people did.

When the driver pulled up to the front of what was presumably Stark’s mansion, the churning in his gut was easy to identify.

“Nothing to be nervous about,” Steve murmured, following Bucky out of the car. “The only terrifying thing about Tony Stark is his tendency to threaten terrorists on national television, then give him his home address.”

Bucky blinked, temporarily too stunned to think about anything else. “How is he still alive?”

Steve shrugged. “Lucky for him, being annoying isn’t the only thing he’s good at.” His expression was wry. “I don’t think he’ll make the same mistake with this new place, though.”

Bucky scanned the house, able to see the thin shimmer of a sensor grid across several of the most obvious access points scattered along the front. He wondered briefly if Steve could see them, too, or if HYDRA had messed with more than just his arm and his mind.

He wasn’t sure he was ready to have that question answered, just yet.

“Hey,” Steve said softly, his hand a light, comforting pressure against Bucky’s back as they walked up the steps. “Come back. Giving you the chance to mock Stark’s security wasn’t supposed to put that look on your face.”

When he put the pieces together, Bucky felt the corners of his mouth curve upward a little. “You were trying to distract—“

Before he could finish the thought, the front door burst open. Bucky immediately shoved Steve sideways and reached for his sidearm. Thankfully, it still wasn't there, which gave him the half-second pause he needed for his conscious thought to kick back in.

Embarrassment came in a wave as he focused on the dark-haired man – Tony Stark, he'd guess – standing in front of him, two steps back and hands raised in a classic cease-and-desist gesture. His expression was carefully blank, the look of a man who'd just realized he was standing in front of a bomb.

Next to him, Bucky could feel the heat of the metal-melting glare Steve was shooting Stark, protectiveness radiating off him strongly enough that it probably had its own energy signature. Stark shot back a much more complicated expression, but if he had to guess it fell somewhere between "It's your fault for not telling me" and "You need a keeper."

 The embarrassment was only getting worse. Bucky needed it gone, and the only way to do that was to get out of the current situation as quickly as possible. He squeezed Steve's bicep gently, tugging him back just a little, and Steve glanced over at him and dialed the protectiveness back just a little. Stark, his eye movements making it clear he had picked up on the entire unspoken exchange, slowly lowered his hands.

Meeting Stark's eyes, Bucky started to hold out his real hand. Then he switched, holding out his cybernetic hand instead. "I'm Bucky. Steve said you could take a look at my arm."

Stark shook it and evaluated it at the same moment, eyes on fire with enough interest that Bucky felt the prickle of an entirely different kind of nerves along his spine. "Oh, _absolutely_. There's so much we could—" He cut himself off midsentence, looking back up at Bucky's face with an intent expression. A second later, his eyes went wide, then narrowed again. "Bucky," he said flatly. "That wouldn't happen to be short for Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, Captain America's legendary best friend who died 70 years ago?"

Bucky and Steve glanced over at each other. "You're the first person to recognize him," Steve said quietly.

"Yeah, well, you don't usually find geniuses at your average roadside Quik-Stop." He let go of Bucky's hand, running his own through his hair. There was something weird in his voice that Bucky couldn't quite read. "So this is the guy you were chasing."

"I ... left," Bucky said carefully. He knew he was going to have to share the entire story at some point, but there was something going on here he didn't understand yet. "He was trying to find me."

"It took me awhile, but I eventually realized Bucky was following me," Steve added, amused but careful. "At that point, we kind of found each other."

Stark was still looking back and forth between them, clearly caught between a thousand different questions, when another voice chimed in from somewhere inside the house. It was British, very proper, and Bucky used all of his self control not to flinch at its unexpected appearance. "Sir, perhaps it would be best to continue this discussion inside in a more comfortable environment. If nothing else, Miss Potts will be less than pleased to come home and find that you have stranded guests outside on the porch."

Stark gave a long-suffering sigh as he looked up. "As much as I hate to say it, JARVIS, you might have something vaguely resembling a point." He turned his attention back to the two of them. "Drinks?"

Bucky shook his head. "Alcohol doesn't affect Steve, and it's not a good idea if I get drunk."

Stark gave him another long, evaluating look. "I was going to give you a 'hurt Rogers and I'll make you sorry' talk," he said finally, lips curving upward in what seemed slightly too self-depreciating to be a smirk.

Steve blinked, stunned. "What?"

Bucky, however, understood completely. He felt his own lips curve up. "You're not going to now?"

Stark shook his head, amused. "You’re no longer a potentially criminal 'mystery man' who had turned Cap's head with a combination of masculine wiles and puppy dog eyes." He grinned at the offended "Hey!" from Steve, but continued on as if he hadn't heard him. "Though, honestly, if you'd gotten either to actually _work_ on the Capsicle I might have had to get an award made."

Bucky smirked, feeling much steadier on his feet than he had been a few minutes ago. "Who's to say I haven't?"

At Tony's delighted look, Steve made an exasperated noise and nudged Bucky into the house. "Can we please take this inside?"


	4. Story Time

Given the life they all led, it wasn’t really that much of a surprise to find _another_ guy who’d supposedly been dead for several decades show up on his front porch. Particularly given the timing of the situation, it seemed a pretty safe bet that Barnes’ sudden re-appearance into the land of the living was connected to HYDRA.

But there hadn’t even been a whisper of it in the SHIELD/HYDRA files Romanoff had dumped onto the Internet, which Tony had of course immediately copied and spent three very strange and stressful days thoroughly analyzing. Phil was alive, apparently – that was good, he was pretty sure, though Tony probably deserved to punch him at least once – but all the other news was bad, worse and the kind of thing that made you wake up screaming at night. Finally, Pepper had ordered him to stop looking at them, and had gotten JARVIS to temporarily lock the files until Tony’s obsession had passed. 

Now, once Rogers had set his shield down on the couch, Tony told all of this – well, okay, not the parts about Phil and Pepper – to both Rogers and his new/old friend. “So,” he finished in his best “tell me your secrets, because I’m just going to find them out anyway” voice. “Clearly there’s some things you two need to fill in for me.”

They both tensed at almost exactly the same moment, giving each other a long look that was very similar to the one Pepper used on him when they were doing the couple’s telepathy thing. Finally, Barnes turned back to Tony. “HYDRA had me for a long time.” His voice was almost completely devoid of emotion. “My handler is dead, and the team responsible for my maintenance is either dead or in custody.”

“And they’re not getting him back,” Rogers finished, angrier than Tony had ever heard him. And, given how well they’d gotten along when they first met, that was saying something.

Tony waited, as patiently as he was capable of, but no one felt the need to chime in with anything else. “So that’s all I’m getting?” When they looked at each other again, he made an exasperated sound. “Look, this psychic bond thing you two are doing is adorable, but it’s not like I’m a SHIELD flunkie or some random person off the street. You can _trust_ me.”

“It’s not that,” Rogers began, looking uncomfortable now. “It’s just….”

“…There are some things I’d rather no one know,” Barnes finished, looking grim and sad enough that Tony actually started feeling vaguely guilty. He hesitated. “Will you need the information to fix my arm?”

Tony was briefly tempted to lie – he _hated_ mysteries – then sighed as he felt his conscience win out. “No. I can scan you here.” He scrubbed a hand across his face. “But you’ll have to figure out a story you _are_ willing to tell people pretty quick. Even if Barnes changes his name, people are going to start catching wind of the fact that the greatest love story never told is just as gay as some historians have always thought.”

In any other circumstance, the complete incomprehension on both their faces would be hilarious. They looked at each other, then back at Tony. “You’re serious,” Rogers said flatly.

Tony’s brow furrowed. “How many of the books about you have you read?”

Rogers immediately looked uncomfortable, so Barnes answered for him. “None.” His expression softened. “He only went to the Smithsonian exhibit to be with people he missed.”

Tony blinked, not entirely sure how to take that. “You really should talk to someone about that exhibit, by the way,” he said instead. “Whoever handled the fact-checking clearly didn’t know what they were doing.”

Steve shot him a long-suffering look. “Should I be worried that you know that?”

“Hey, I may be an impulsive asshole, but I’m a well-researched impulsive asshole.” He swept a hand out, and all of the files from his Captain America research filled the room. “No one knows anything about Thor, and I knew about Bruce and Now-not-so-Agent Romanoff before New York. That meant you and Barton were the only mysteries.” And, he did not add, he had wanted the information without the memory of his father’s voice coloring any of it.

Rogers and Barnes looked around the room, not nearly as impressed by the awe-inspiring power of modern technology as they should have been, damn it. “You research enemies, Stark,” Rogers said carefully.

“I research anybody who interests me. I’m nosy like that.” Sifting through the glowing panels of information, he pulled up the two journal articles he was looking for and enlarged them. “The theory’s taken awhile to gain traction, apparently – the conservatives love Captain America, and they can get vicious – and right now it’s stuck firmly in the realm of academic infighting.” He looked at them both, letting his voice go serious for a moment. “But the moment the paparazzi snaps a photo of Steve Rogers holding hands with a guy who just happens to look like his long-dead best friend, it’s going to _explode_. If you don’t at least have a backstory to give them, they’re going to find out the real one.”

Rogers looked at him like he wanted to argue, but didn’t – if anyone understood the paparazzi and/or popular opinion, it was Tony Stark. Barnes seemed more interested in the articles, stepping closer and squinting at a particular passage. “Dernier,” he said finally, voice quiet. “He was the one with the bombs, right?”

Rogers nodded, moving closer. Tony knew the passage they were about to get to. “Do you need me to have JARVIS translate it?”

Barnes shook his head. “It seems they gave me French, too.”

Rogers shook his head as well. “No.” His voice was even softer than Barnes’s had been. “Dernier and Gabe taught us.”

Interesting. Tony filed the exchange and its implications away, watching the men’s expressions as they got to the part where the journal article quoted a letter Dernier had written his wife near the end of the war.

_We did not speak of it, but I do not believe any of us were surprised. Those of us who did not see it on the train knew at that table as he told us of his plan. No matter what happened, the Captain would not make it home from the war._

_Now that Barnes was gone, he would not let himself._

At the time, Tony had mostly read the articles as a dramatic exaggeration of available data. Now, it seemed more like everyone had been really good at not talking about stuff back then.

He could pinpoint almost the moment they’d finished reading. Rogers, for his part, looked surprised and a little awed that anyone had seen him that clearly. Barnes, on the other hand, looked like he was caught between wanting to strangle Rogers and kiss him breathless.

Tony was pretty good at reading that look. He’d seen it on Pepper a lot.

“Damn it, Steve, you didn’t—“ Whatever else Barnes had been about to say was cut off with a wince, hand reaching over to cradle his cybernetic shoulder. Rogers looked alarmed but not surprised, and Tony realized that this must be the problem they’d mentioned.

He waved the files away, then started toward the stairs. “JARVIS, start diagnostics now,” he ordered, gesturing for his guests to follow. “We need to get that arm looked at.”


	5. Consultation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three things you need to know:
> 
> 1\. I love you guys so much. You have no idea.
> 
> 2\. Any tech babble is complete nonsense. Hopefully believable-sounding nonsense, but still nonsense. 
> 
> 3\. "Deduska" is Russian for grandpa.

Stark disappeared through a doorway at the bottom of the stairs that presumably led to his workroom. Steve was ready to hurry in after him, frustrated that he'd let himself get distracted from the real reason they were there, when Bucky froze in place in front of him. Steve looked over his shoulder, getting his first sight of the depths of the workroom, and immediately understood why.

"It's okay," Steve said quietly, squeezing Bucky's shoulders. He looked anywhere but at the chair they could both see from the doorway. They both knew it wasn't the one Steve and Sam had found in that abandoned lab, but it looked far, far too close to it. "There's gotta be someplace you can sit where you don't even have to look at it."

Bucky let out a breath, but the tension in his muscles didn't ease at all. "I can deal with a damn chair," he muttered, the gruffness in his voice almost managing to hide the rawness.

Hurting for him, Steve pressed a kiss to the back of Bucky's head. A part of him wished every day that he could do more to save the man he loved from everything he still wrestled with, but the only one who could do that was Bucky. All Steve could do was watch his back.

"I know," Steve murmured against his hair. "But that doesn't mean you should have to."

Before Bucky could react, Stark poked his head back through the door. "Listen, I totally respect the fact that you can't keep your hands off each other, but I thought I was picking up a sense of urgency upstairs." Stark stepped back, sweeping an arm out toward the chair. "If you can maybe move the PDA _into_ the workroom, I can get a free show and fix your arm up at the same time."

Bucky braced himself, clearly gearing up for the worst, then his shoulders sagged. "Can we not do this in the chair?" he said quietly, his voice carefully controlled. "HYDRA tortured me in a chair that looked a lot like that one."

Stark actually winced at that, scrubbing a hand across his face before glaring at Steve. "See, _this_ is why I like to know things. I know my sense of humor can seem a little ... whimsical at times, but I don't actually _enjoy_ accidentally traumatizing people." Scanning the room, he grabbed a stool and a tool bench and moved them next to a taller table. "Okay. You sit here, and lay your arm against the table so we can have a flat surface to work with." He pointed at Steve, still looking exasperated. " _You_ either stand or find your own thing to sit on."

As Stark called up more of his glowing panels, Bucky gave Steve a small smile. "I think he'd let you get away with sharing mine."

"I don't think so," Tony answered, still intent on whatever he was looking at. "You keep giving in to that pretty face, Barnes, you'll never teach him anything."

Bucky smirked "I don't know," he said easily as Steve sat down behind him. He was a warm, solid line against Bucky's back, and Steve could fell him settle into the contact like he'd been waiting for it. "Steve's a pretty quick learner."

Steve groaned theatrically. "Less innuendo. More science."

"That's the wrong outlook on life. The best way to enjoy yourself is to have as much as you can get of both." Brow lowered in concentration, he caught sight of something and actively scowled at it. "Damn it, I _really_ need to get a medical degree one of these days."

 Concern chased away Steve's humor. "What is it?"

Stark turned the glowing screen so that it faced them. "Your arm's electrical system is tied into your nerve endings, presumably the simplest way they had to let you control its movements. Unfortunately, whoever did your arm had the design sense of a six-year-old with a glue gun and never bothered fine-tuning the neural integration." He paused, focusing on them. "Anyone need me to translate into English yet?"

Bucky and Steve looked at each other, then Steve shook his head. "We're good."

Stark's eyebrows briefly lifted in surprise, then returned to his explanation. "The arm's only tied in to about five nerve clusters for your whole shoulder, and it appears that whatever zap it got ended up scrambling the electrodes' firing order. That means your nerve endings are getting very loud signals they're not supposed to be getting, which translates into the pain you've been experiencing."

Bucky sighed, sounding suddenly tired. "Is there anything you can do?"

"I won't know until I take a crash course in human anatomy and neurosurgery." He stepped back. "I also think we need to Skype Bruce into this discussion, which means I'm going to be profoundly annoyed if he's let some stereotypically adorable orphan walk off with another one of the tablets I gave him." He began scanning the room again. “For that matter, where did I leave _my_ tablet? JARVIS, you’re supposed to keep better track of me than this.”

“I believe your tablet is behind the couch in the sitting room, sir. You were attempting to convince Miss Potts that a jetpack would make her commute easier.”

“Ah. Right. Before the documentary and distracting.” He turned to Steve and Bucky. “One hour, give or take however long it takes Bruce or Betty to pick up the call.” He waved a hand around the house. “Feel free to distract yourselves. JARVIS will make sure you don’t get lost or blow yourselves up.”

When he disappeared up the stairs, Bucky shifted around so that the sides of their legs touched. “Don’t tell Stark, but JARVIS and the midair computer screens really are pretty great.”

Steve smiled. “Can you imagine Angry Birds on one of those?” Sam had shown them both the game, and between Steve’s shield-throwing and Bucky’s sniper skills they had ended up being pretty good at it.

Bucky laughed. “As if we’d need another reason not to leave the motel room.”

Any response Steve might have made was cut off by the sound of his cell phone ringing. Seeing the number of the line Natasha had told him was safe, he felt a spike of concern as he answered. They’d left each other regular messages in a secure drop box, just checking in and keeping each other up to date, but a regular call might mean she needed backup. “Everything okay?”

“I forget how you senior citizens worry.” He could hear the smile in Natasha’s voice, felt himself relax. A heartbeat later, he felt Bucky do the same. “Everything’s fine, Deduska. I’m just calling because Clint and I found a HYDRA lead in Nogales and wondered if you and Barnes wanted to come play.”

Steve hesitated, remembering his and Bucky’s conversation in the car. They hadn’t had the chance to talk more about it yet, but he didn’t want Natasha counting on backup that might not be coming. “Actually, we might be out of the fight. We’re not sure yet.” He felt Bucky tense up again, just a little, but when Steve glanced over the other man’s expression only looked careful.

“Really.” There was soft surprise in the word, but not the disbelief he’d expected. “Is there something you’re not telling me, Steve?”

“There might be a HYDRA lab in the Nevada desert.” There was a twinge of guilt, easing when Bucky reached over and squeezed his leg. “I’d appreciate having you and Clint go up and take a look once you’re done in Nogales.”

“That’s not what I meant, Rogers.” She sounded amused now.

Steve felt the corners of his mouth curve up. “Hey, you didn’t tell me about Clint.”

“I wear an arrow necklace everywhere. I thought it was obvious.” The amusement had slid into something lighter, almost delighted. “And by using that comparison, you just answered my question for me. Put Barnes on the phone.”

Steve blinked, startled. “What?”

“I won’t bite his head off, I promise. I just want to talk to the one person on the planet capable of meeting Steve Rogers’ qualifications for shared life experiences.”

Steve felt his cheeks heat. Next to him, Bucky’s mouth was curving upward. “Natasha….”

“Don’t make me hurt you, Steve. You know I could.”

“Fine.” With a sigh, he held the phone out to Bucky. “It’s for you.”

Bucky’s eyes widened with something close to alarm, and he slid away a little. He’d heard several stories and listened to Steve’s half of all the messages, but this was the first time he and Natasha had actually had a chance to interact. “No, it’s okay.”

“I don’t think she’s going to let you get out of it that easily.” Steve smiled a little. “She already promised she wouldn’t bite.”

Bucky just looked at him, questions in his eyes, and Steve gave him a small nod he hoped was reassuring. A moment later, Bucky took a deep breath and picked up the phone.


	6. Dangerous Ones

Compared to this, the nerves Bucky had felt when he'd been about to meet Stark were nothing. Steve respected the man, mostly, but there was no real relationship there to accidentally ruin by saying or doing the wrong thing. When he'd left messages for Natasha, however, there'd been no mistaking the warmth in Steve's voice. This was someone who genuinely mattered to him.

And if he didn't stop thinking like that, he was going to find a way to screw this up even worse than he might have otherwise. "This is Bucky."

"And this is Natasha Romanoff." The words were light, free of anything that might sound like judgment or mocking. "How are you doing?"

It was a simple question, but Bucky's instincts knew there was a test in there somewhere. He glanced over at Steve, who put a hand on Bucky's back and tried to look supportive.

Okay, honesty it was, then. If it was the wrong answer, at least Steve was more likely to forgive him for it. "Well, the nightmares don't always wake Steve up anymore, which is good, but I still probably shouldn't start carrying a weapon of any kind."

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone. "Actually, you probably should." She sounded faintly surprised, as if she hadn't expected to be saying what she was. "You'll never learn to trust yourself with one again unless you practice."

He glanced over at Steve again, who was rubbing soothing circles between Bucky's shoulder blades. Bucky squeezed his leg in silent thank you. "I'm guessing you've read my file."

Another pause. "Yes. I'm the one who gave it to Steve."

_Thank you_ , he thought but didn't say. Maybe if he passed this test. "Then you know it's probably not a good idea for me to be trusted with anything dangerous."

"There are a lot of people who would say Steve is dangerous."

Bucky pressed his lips together a moment, weighing all the possible things he could say to that. _Steve is only dangerous to the people who deserve it. I shouldn't be trusted with Steve, either, but I'm not strong enough to let him go. Life is dangerous. Steve is what saves me, even though I probably don't deserve to be saved._

He let out a breath. "Yeah, probably," Bucky said finally. "But he's worth it."

For a moment, there was no response. "He is," she said finally, voice soft. "And I’m starting to suspect that you are as well.” The sudden lump in Bucky’s throat made it hard to respond to that, but Natasha didn’t seem to need one from him. “I know what it’s like to be unmade by people who want you only as a weapon,” she continued, nothing but honesty in her voice. “To be left with nightmares that make you wake up screaming and no reason why you did them other than that you were told. If you ever need to talk to someone, I am always available."

Bucky swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut against the sudden sting in them. "You're not going to give me the 'Hurt Steve and I'll make you sorry' speech?" he asked, voice scratchier than it had been.

"You've just made it very clear to me that I won't need to." Her voice had an edge to it, but it was protective rather than angry. "We broken ones can love just as fiercely as anyone else. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise, even the darkness inside your own mind."

He moved his hand away from Steve only to swipe at the sudden wetness in his eyes. "I'll remember that."

"Do." This time, he could almost hear the smile in her voice. "I suspect Steve won’t want me to tell you this, but I made a valiant effort to try and set him up before I realized he was pining for his secret lost love."

He was almost positive that was a joke. "Not your fault. I didn't know he was pining, either."

She chuckled at that. "I do have excellent taste, though, even though my target was wrong. If the messages Sam left are any indication, he and Sharon seem to be getting along wonderfully."

Bucky had never met Sharon, but the former SHIELD agent had apparently decided to keep a protective eye on Sam after Steve and Natasha decided to leave town. Sam, never one to waste an opportunity, had started cooking for her.

The last time he'd called, Sam had threatened to have all four of them go out on a double date. Bucky didn't know if he was pleased or terrified by the thought.

"Just make sure not to call them before 7 a.m.," he said. "They don't sleep late, but that doesn't mean they've gotten out of bed yet."

The chuckle was closer to a laugh, this time. "I bet you do an excellent job of making Steve blush. We'll be back in the country soon, and I'll expect you to do it for me in person."

Something inside Bucky's chest eased. "I will."

"I meant what I said about the weapon as well. It's entirely your choice on whether or not you want to fight anymore, but don't let fear make that decision for you."

He nodded, glancing over at Steve again. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

The conversation ended after a few other pleasantries, simple and light enough that even Bucky felt comfortable handling them. By the time he hung up the phone and handed it back to Steve, though, he was surprised to find himself almost shaky. “You’re right,” he managed, forcing his emotions back under control. He wasn’t sure what had happened, but he couldn’t be like this when Stark came back. “She didn’t bite.”

Steve moved his arm so that it was around Bucky’s shoulders, pulling him just that much closer. “Sorry about that. If I’d known it was going to happen, I’d have tried to give you at least a little bit of warning.”

“I think that’s what she was trying to avoid, actually.” He slid his own hand around Steve’s back, leaning in further. “She wanted the element of surprise on her side.”

“Well, you handled it beautifully.” Steve leaned his head against Bucky’s, seeming more relaxed than he had been since they’d arrived. “Now we just have to figure out what story to tell everyone about why you’re not really dead.”

Bucky closed his eyes, touched all over again by Steve’s obvious determination to not hide him to even a sensible degree. “I don’t want to worry about that yet.” He let out a breath, remembering the excerpt from the letter. By this point he had a handful of memories about the Commandos, all of them tinged with good feelings, but it had never occurred to him to think about the time between when he’d fallen and when Steve had.

It was past time that he did. “How long was it?” he asked quietly. “From the time I went under to the time you did.”

Steve didn’t respond for a long moment. “A few days,” he said finally, like he was admitting something he knew he shouldn’t. “Most of that was planning.”

For the last push against Red Skull. He remembered the description from the Smithsonian exhibit, but at the time he hadn’t gotten enough of himself back to be sufficiently upset by how obvious a suicide run it was. “Steve….”

"I thought I'd finished the fight. That meant—" His voice caught. "That was _supposed_ to mean I got to go home." He sounded tired suddenly, almost sad. "It was such a relief when it looked like I was actually going to get the chance to do it."

Bucky squeezed him tighter, emotion making his voice rough. "Home was supposed to be Brooklyn, damn it."

Steve's smile flickered. "You always were dense." Then he sighed. "I felt so cheated when I woke up."

Bucky lifted his head to press a kiss against Steve’s hair. “I’m glad you did.” His chest ached. “If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have.”

“You would have.” Steve’s voice sounded warmer now as he turned to look at Bucky. “You’re stronger than you think you are.”

Bucky met Steve’s eyes. “Seventy years, and I didn’t blink,” he said quietly, needing him to understand. “I didn’t flinch. In all that time, nothing else has ever mattered enough to make me fight my way back. I don’t think anyone at HYDRA even knew I could.”

“They didn’t know you at all,” Steve said fiercely, catching Bucky’s mouth in another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triwizard-tardis has the greatest explanation for Steve's "I had a date" line in the first "Captain America" that I have ever heard, and it is 100 percent the headcanon utilized to write the above chapter (and oh, it makes so much _sense_. Go rewatch the scene if you don't believe me). Read it [here.](http://triwizard-tardis.tumblr.com/post/84875413648/okay-so-i-dont-know-how-tho-make-a-gif-so-there)


	7. Angry Birds

"I told you I didn't need to be here for this part," Bruce said tiredly from the tablet's screen, still not nearly as interested as he should have been by the fact that Captain America had a not-so-dead frozen boyfriend. "If the scans I saw are accurate—"

Tony stopped long enough to narrow his eyes at the tablet screen. "Are you really doubting my tech? I thought we were better friends than that."

Bruce sighed. "That's not what I'm saying. What I'm _saying_ is that reconfiguring or replacing the electrodes should fix Barnes's problem without surgery being required. And if you do talk him into the more detailed upgrade—"

"Of course I'll talk him into it. I'll need to do some experimentation, but if we can re-incorporate the nerves I should be able to get a decent range of sensation out of the arm. Since that means more entertaining sexytimes with our good Captain—"

Bruce held up a hand. "Stop. Steve's sex life is entirely his own business."

Tony sighed as he continued down the stairs. "One day I'll teach you to appreciate gossip, Bruce."

The other man smiled slightly. "That day is not today. And if he does say yes to the surgery, we'll schedule it so I can be there in person."

"Right now, though, you need to hang out long enough to say hi to the dynamic duo." He held up the tablet, screen facing out, as he pushed through the door to his workroom. "Guys, meet—"

The sentence screeched to a halt as he realized what was going on in his workroom. JARVIS had set up a game of "Angry Birds" on a midair screen twice as wide as the guys were tall, and Barnes had his metal hand stuck through the bird about to be launched. The size of the tower suggested they were pretty far into the game, and the line of birds behind them made it clear this was their first of the level.

Rogers was standing next to him, and both of them were eyeing the pigs' tower like it was the front line of a particularly dastardly group of villains. They were both having an animated discussion about tactics, enough that Rogers was gesturing to make his point.

Careful not to jostle Bruce's view, Tony carefully slid his cell phone out of his pocket and pressed record as he held it up. "One day, this is going on YouTube," he murmured. "And when it does, the world will be very happy with me."

Finally, they launched the bird. Tony watched open mouthed as it arced gracefully through the air, hitting just the right spot to send the entire tower crashing down into rubble.

"Very good, sirs," JARVIS said approvingly. "Even the most successful player I've seen before this took three birds to complete this particular level."

"That is terrible slander." Tony said, striding into the room. "I play when you're not looking." He handed the tablet to Rogers before hunting up his magnification goggles and micro tools. "Bruce is trying to leave us for the poor and tragically ill. Say hi, Rogers."

"Hello, Dr. Banner." Steve smiled at him. "I'd say I'm sorry you got dragged into this, but I trust your judgment a lot more than I do Stark's."

Tony held up a hand, attention still on the table where he swore he'd left his goggles last. "For the record, I'm offended."

"Glad to help. And please, call me Bruce." He couldn't see Bruce's face, but he sounded pleased. Tony _knew_ it had been a good idea to make him say hi. "Tony told me about everything that happened with SHIELD. They and I might not have had the best relationship, but I do know what it's like to lose the life you'd known. I'm sorry."

"Actually, the life I'd known is right here with me." Rogers sounded so cheerful that Tony looked up in time to see him hand the tablet to Barnes. "Bruce, this is Bucky, my best friend and the man I love. Bucky, this is Bruce. I told you about him."

"Only good things, I hope," Bruce said.

Bucky nodded. "I'm sure Stark's told you plenty about me, too."

"And hinted at more, though I ignored him on all of it." See, it's _this_ voice of Bruce's that made Tony think he'd be a good therapist. All his fault, really. "As someone who turns into a big green monster at the worst possible moment, I'm a firm believer in letting people keep their secrets."

Bucky smiled a little, his expression easing. "So am I."

"Then we should get along beautifully," Bruce said. "I know Tony tends to forget about this part—"

"I don't forget," Tony cut in, finding his goggles. He carried everything back to the worktable, setting up an impromptu workstation. "I just feel I can talk and work at the same time."

Bruce made a sound that was both amused and long-suffering. "For those of us who prefer to know what's coming _before_ it starts happening, Tony is going to re-configure your arm so the signals once again fire correctly. We have a theory that we can actually increase the range of sensations your arm is capable of feeling...."

There was no denying the sudden interest in Barnes's face. In a remarkable show of restraint, Tony kept his grin internal.

"...and there are a few simulations we can run that will let us test the possibility without opening you up. If they prove successful, and you're interested in having the procedure done, I'll make sure I'm there to stop Tony from giving you laser fingers or something."

Bucky looked down at his hand, torn between horror and fascination. "I ... don't think that's a good idea."

"It's not," Tony said easily. "It's a genius idea."

There was a few more minutes of conversation, and Tony cheered silently when Bruce, Rogers and Barnes exchanged contact information – he was determined to socialize Bruce if it killed them both, and it was good for him to have another backup option to call in case any surviving HYDRA agents tried to track he and Betty down. When they ended the call, Tony set the tablet on a stack of crates and moved his stool back into position. "Shall we, Robocop?"

Barnes raised an eyebrow, clearly not catching the reference, and Rogers gave his old man sigh and shook his head. "I'll explain it to you later."

Shrugging, Barnes took off his overshirt and hiked the sleeve of the t-shirt up before laying his arm out on the table. Tony gave himself only a moment to be impressed by the craftsmanship – evil craftsmanship, he reminded himself, he could do so much better – before making a note of the bright red star on the shoulder. "You know Communism's not in style anymore, right? We should replace that with a skull, maybe a nice flame pattern or something."

At the set of matching glares from the two men in front of him, Tony shook his head with a sigh. "Barnes, Barnes, Barnes. I thought you at least would have a sense of style." Then, slipping on the goggles, he went to work.


	8. The Look

The surgery was slow, and mostly involved Stark muttering to himself and regularly consulting a stream of data provided by JARVIS. Bucky would tense up occasionally, though whether it was from worry or sensations he was getting from the arm Steve couldn't say.

"You okay?" he murmured in Bucky's ear, quietly enough that it wouldn't distract Stark.

"Yeah," Bucky breathed, and though Steve knew that meant nothing there was a point when you couldn't argue. He just squeezed Bucky's shoulder, reminding him he wasn't alone in this. Bucky leaned back ever so slightly against Steve's hand, a silent thank you.

They watched the surgery together. For the first time in his life, Steve wished he knew engineering instead of art or tactics – he hated understanding so little about something that was such a big part of Bucky's life. Briefly, he wondered if it would be worth it to ask Stark to give them both an explanation of how the arm worked, and maybe what they could do to help take care of it.

He had the question half-formed in his head when a woman's voice on the stairs interrupted his plans. "Tony, what is your copy of Captain America's shield doing on our couch? You are _not_ allowed to try and talk that poor man into letting you upgrade...." As she stepped through the doorway, Pepper Potts' voice trailed off. She had clearly just come from the office, her feet bare but still wearing most of a very nice pantsuit, and when she focused on Steve's face her eyes widened.

Not sure of the etiquette of the situation, Steve slipped away from Bucky long enough to walk over and extend a hand. "Steve Rogers, ma'am. We met briefly after New York, but with everything that was going on it would make sense if you don't remember."

Pepper blinked, her brief flustered look vanishing almost instantly as she came back into the moment. "Of course I remember." She shook his hand, her grip firm. "And please, call me Pepper."

"Pepper it is, then." He couldn't stop himself from glancing over at Bucky a moment, who gave him a little "I'm fine" wave with his free hand. Stark, for some reason, still hadn't looked up from whatever complicated thing he was doing. "Sorry for the intrusion, but we needed Stark's help and he was kind enough to see us right away." He turned back to Pepper, putting on his best "ah shucks, ma'am" face. "We'll be out of your hair as soon as possible."

Pepper's eyes flicked over to Bucky before returning back to Steve, a small smile on her face. "You'll do no such thing. JARVIS, have Tony come find me the moment he can take a break."

At that, Stark lifted his head. "That moment is right now." Sliding off his goggles, he walked over to Pepper and gave her a very thorough "hello" kiss. "How'd the meeting go?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Which one?"

He grinned, unrepentant. "Any of them."

Looking amused, she gave him another quick kiss before sliding out of his arms and walking over to Bucky. He looked uncomfortable for a moment, then held a hand out to her. "Bucky Barnes, ma'am." He inclined his head toward his arm. "Sorry I can't stand."

"Don't be ridiculous." She smiled as she shook his hand. "Pepper Potts. Please, call me Pepper."

Steve felt his own lips curving upward, pleased all over again at how welcoming everyone was being to Bucky. He hadn't argued when Bucky had referred to them as his friends, but other than Natasha this was the first time he felt that might actually be the best word to describe them.

Pepper turned back at Stark. "How much longer until you guys are done?"

He considered, looking over at Bucky. "Think you can go another half-hour or so?" When Bucky nodded, he returned his attention to Pepper. "Thai?"

She glanced over at both Steve and Bucky. "Have you two ever had Thai?"

Bucky shook his head, and Steve shrugged. "It's on my to-do list."

Stark's eyes lit, mouth half-opening on a suggestion that was probably going to be a terrible idea. Thankfully, Pepper silenced him with an amused "don't even think about it" look. "No. _I_ will order for them. JARVIS, please have Panvimarn send over our usual, along with two orders of their Thai BBQ Pork and their Golden Fried Rice. Call in...." She paused, clearly working out the timing in her head. "Seventeen minutes."

"You're no fun." Stark leaned in for another kiss, then went back to Bucky. "Canoodling break over. Back to work."

Bucky raised an eyebrow. "Canoodling?"

"What, isn't that the word you guys used, back at the dawn of time?" He looked back at Steve for confirmation.

"Actually, sir, 'canoodling' was in common use as early as 1859."

Bucky smiled a little. "Now who sounds like an old guy?"

Stark pointed a finger up the air. "New rule, JARVIS. No siding with someone who isn't me."

"I'm afraid that would eliminate most of my opportunities for conversation, sir."

The banter continued even as Stark bent his head back to the surgery, and Steve rubbed a hand across his chest as some of the pressure there finally eased. Bucky would be alright, which meant that Steve would be, too. They still hadn't figured out what they were going to do with the rest of their lives, but from where he was standing that wasn't much more than a minor detail.

Pepper moved to stand beside him. "I know it's none of my business, but I'd hate to accidentally say the wrong thing," she murmured, voice low enough that only Steve could hear. "But that is your Bucky, isn't it? Not a clone or anything?"

Steve smiled a little. With lives like theirs, that was a perfectly valid question. "No, it's my Bucky."

She smiled back. "You're very sweet together. It's always heartwarming to see two people so in love."

Steve's smile widened. He knew it had a dopey edge to it, but he didn't care. "Thanks."

Pepper glanced over at him, her expression softening and sobering at the same moment. "I know it's hard to believe," she said, her voice still quiet, "but he won't be snatched away again if you look away for a few moments."

Surprised at how easily she'd given voice to that particular nightmare, Steve turned to look at her. "What?"

She sighed. "I don't know what happened, and it's none of my business. But Tony was presumed dead for awhile several years ago, and I'm very familiar with that look in your eyes. It takes longer than you'd imagine for the fear to fade." Her smile was a little sad. "Even after Tony and Bruce stabilized the Extremis virus in my body, Tony followed me to the office for three days straight." She touched his shoulder lightly. "If you ever need to talk, we're here."

Surprised and touched, Steve cleared his throat. "Thank you."

She let out a breath, looking almost relieved to move on to something else. "On a more practical note, do you two have a place to stay? I know you were based in Washington D.C., but after everything that happened with SHIELD that's the last place you should be living."

Steve rubbed a hand along the back of his neck. That was another thing he and Bucky were going to have to work out at some point. "We stayed with a friend for a little while, and since then we've been on the road."

"Well, if you're ever in New York, there's a floor of Avengers Tower waiting for you. I'm not sure Tony would admit it, but I don't want you and Bucky to be without a possible resource."

Steve's eyes widened. "Avengers Tower?"

"The last time you saw it, it was called Stark Tower. He redesigned the entire thing after the fight with the Chitauri." When Steve's stunned look only deepened, she smiled. "The four floors near Bruce's just happen to have been outfitted for residential use. Other than our floor, they're the only residential spaces in the building." Her expression softened. "They're sitting empty, even though he's tinkered with the rest of the building I don't know how many times."

Steve looked over at Tony, then back at Pepper, still not sure he could find the words. Smile widening, Pepper gestured up the stairs. "Come set the table with me and I'll tell you all about it."

He glanced back at Bucky, who gave him a reassuring nod. Telling himself he was leaving his best friend in good hands, Steve followed Pepper up the stairs.


	9. Confessions

It hadn't been easy, letting Steve leave – even with his best friend at his back and the chair on the other side of the room, every memory he'd had of years of maintenance work kept hovering at the back of his head. He felt faintly queasy at the thought of trying to do it alone, an acid taste rising up in his throat.

But Bucky refused to hold the man he loved back, even for something so simple, so he squared his jaw and nudged Steve into following Pepper. He had no idea if Stark noticed the effort, but when the banter faded the man immediately segued into detailed explanation of various possible upgrades for the arm. Bucky didn't understand some of it, and was pretty sure other bits were just Stark enjoying the sound of his voice, but he could have read the dictionary and Bucky would have been grateful for the distraction.

"Fine, no laser fingers, though I'm not giving up entirely on the rocket launcher." Sighing in exaggerated disappointment, Stark sat up straight and scooted his chair back a little. "Wiggle your fingers." When Bucky did, a new burst of information came up on the little mid-air panel next to Stark. "Now make a fist." When he did, Stark bent his head back over Bucky's open arm panel and immediately resumed the conversation. "You could paint little witty sayings on the side of each of the rockets."

Bucky furrowed his brow, letting himself focus on the absurdity rather than the nightmarish damage he could cause with a rocket launcher. "No one would see them. They'd move too fast to read, and then they'd blow up."

Stark made a scoffing noise. "It's no fun if you bring _logic_ into it." Then he lifted his head, lips curved upward into a smirk. "Though maybe I should be focused on a different kind of toy. Once we re-map your neural connections and make the arm able to actually feel Steve's heroic bits, we can work in things like warming, vibration...."

Bucky was surprised by the chuckle that slipped out. "Why are you so obsessed with Steve's sex life?"

"Honestly, I'm a little surprised the man actually _has_ a sex life." Stark shrugged, sounding for the first time like he wasn't joking. "When I met him, he was a very dour, very angry old man."

Bucky sighed. "Things must have been bad," he said quietly. "When the worst happens, he kind of goes on lockdown inside his own head."

"Yeah, I eventually figured that out." Stark glanced up at Bucky. "Of course, it took me days of research to get to that point. It took you five seconds when you weren't even there."

The corners of Bucky's mouth flickered upward. "Sometimes, I think I remember more about Steve than I do about myself."

Stark hesitated, looking up again. "Sorry," he said quietly.

Bucky's smile came a little easier this time. "It's okay. If my brain could only hang on to one of us, I'm glad it was him."

Tony let out a breath, the corners of his own mouth flickering upward. "I'd pick Pepper over me, too." Then, as if embarrassed by what he'd just said, he ducked his head back to the arm again. "Before the SHIELD/HYDRA files came out, I probably would have picked to forget my dad before anyone else. I know Rogers respected him, but he and I ... had a more complicated relationship."

"Howard Stark." He'd been in some of Steve's stories, but he wasn't much more than a blurred picture in Bucky's memories. "Sorry. I don't remember much about him."

"And I remember too much, so between us we probably have it about right." Stark winced slightly the moment the words left his mouth, setting the tool down on the counter and not moving for a moment. "He ... he was in the files. HYDRA's. After he wasn't SHIELD's official director anymore, he started poking his head back into some of the old cases. He finally noticed the discrepancies he should have when he was director, and they killed him for it."

Halfway through the explanation, Bucky had gone ice cold. He frantically sorted through the Winter Soldier's shards of memory, trying to find Howard Stark's face, but the fact that he didn't see it was hardly a comfort. He knew there were bodies that had disappeared from his mind entirely, and it horrified him to think that one of those bodies had been the father of the man sitting in front of him.

"Barnes." Stark's voice had an edge of command to it, enough to make Bucky blink and focus on his face. When their eyes met, though, he looked almost kind. "What did they make you do?" he asked quietly.

Bucky swallowed, closing his eyes. "Murder. They stole every part of me that would protest and sent me out to kill people."

"And you were afraid for a second that my dad was one of them."

Bucky's eyes flew open. "Were?"

Stark gave him a long, careful look. "D.C.'s how you usually worked, right? Very wham, bam, thank you, ma'am?"

Bucky didn't know what that meant, but he did know what Stark was asking. "If my memories are right, I usually wasn't so obvious." He closed his eyes as the pictures swam through his vision, knowing he deserved them. "Slit throats. Shots through windows."

"Well, I think even the Highway Patrol would have noticed gun shots through the windows of the car." Tony's voice was deliberately light, but Bucky could hear the tension running underneath it. Steve did that, sometimes, as if saying something firmly enough could make it reality.

He made himself open his eyes. "I'll go if you want."

Tony sighed, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck. "You don't remember doing it, do you?"

Bucky shook his head. "I swear to you I don't. Not even a flash."

"Then there's no reason for either of us to think you did. HYDRA killed him. That's all that matters." He met Bucky's eyes. "And even if you do turn out to be the gun they fired, it wasn't you."

Bucky just nodded, making himself breathe deep and slow through his nose until he thought he could trust his voice again. "Thank you."

"And thank you for telling me. I'm glad I know." Stark let out his own breath. "I can see why you wouldn't want that to get out, but I should probably warn you now that I've never successfully kept a secret from Pepper in my life. I stopped trying awhile ago."

Bucky's jaw tightened, remembering the smile she'd given him. Suddenly, he was sure it would be the last one. "I'll tell her."

Stark watched him. "It won't change how she sees you," he said finally. "You radiate 'I've had a shitty life' from about a million miles away. This is just a particularly horrible wrinkle."

Bucky narrowed his eyes at him. "You don't need to lie to me, Stark."

Stark cocked an eyebrow at him. "The only things I lie about these days are my score on games and whether or not I remembered to eat when I'm working on a project. Last time I checked, HYDRA torture wasn't on that list."

Bucky held his gaze for a long moment, still only seeing honesty there. "Like I said, I don't remember your dad much," he said quietly, throat tight. "But from everything I've heard about Howard Stark, you're twice the man he was."

Stark's eyes widened a little, then he blinked hard a few times. "Wow." His voice was scratchy, and he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. "That's...." He cleared his throat, waving a hand in a cease-and-desist gesture. "Okay, we've gotta stop with this whole 'open and honest with our feelings' thing. This stuff is dangerous.'"

Bucky nodded, a little relieved himself. "Go back to trying to talk me into painting my arm pink or something."

Stark's exaggeratedly appalled look made it clear they were back to the jokes. "Pink? Don't be ridiculous. I wouldn't make _Pepper's_ metal arm pink if she had one." He bent back to the arm. "We're almost done with this, by the way. Just have to refine the timing a little."

Bucky looked down at the red star on his shoulder. In the larger scheme of things, it meant absolutely nothing – he wasn't sure why HYDRA had bothered to put it there in the first place. Still, it had been a surprising relief to let Steve cut his hair, even that small change moving him a little further away from the man in the Winter Soldier's memories.

Maybe another change would help with that. "Seriously, though. What did you have in mind?"

Stark glanced up again, grinning at the serious expression on Bucky's face. "Oh, there are so many possibilities...."


	10. Dinner

It took them a little longer than a half hour, but Pepper was used to Tony-time and had taken that into account. In fact, they had just long enough for Barnes to tell Pepper what he'd told Tony downstairs, stone-faced and with Rogers' hand on his back the whole time.

Pepper's only response was to hug him. Barnes hugged her back, tears in his eyes, and Tony looked away as he felt a lump rising up in his own throat.

Thankfully, the arrival of the food meant that the sudden bursts of feelings went on the back burner for the moment. Pepper had been _way_ too nice to both of them – Tony was pretty sure the Super Soldier Serum couldn't stop your tongue from being set on fire, and he was seriously hoping to see steam coming out of Rogers' ears – but luckily Rogers and Barnes were both polite enough to take some of Tony's Tom Yum Gai. Technically, it wasn't even cruel – the stuff was fantastic, once you abandoned any hope of holding onto your taste buds and just focused on the endorphins.

He pretended not to pay way too much attention when Rogers took a spoonful. The other man's eyes widened just a little as he swallowed, and Tony could see his hand flinch as if he'd stopped himself from reaching for the water. Rogers didn't move for a few seconds, just focusing on his breathing, then braced himself and took another spoonful. After the second spoonful, he gave up and reached for the water. "Remind me, Buck," Rogers managed. "We need to do something really immature and terrible to Stark at some point."

"Done." Bucky looked amused as he slid his own bowl back over to Tony, who was laughing too hard at this point to respond properly. Pepper, taking pity on Rogers, went to get him a glass of milk.

Once that was out of the way, the conversation migrated through what was apparently regular couples chit-chat – Pepper and Rogers rhapsodized about art at one point, while Tony and Barnes sent each other silent looks of mutual sympathy – and on to more serious matters. Tony might know the press better than anyone, but the woman he loved was a PR goddess. If there was anyone qualified to consult the Dynamically Thawed Duo about their potential image crisis, it was her.

"First question: How willing are you to lie?" Pepper asked, giving both Rogers and Barnes her best "Mighty CEO" look. "Because it will make things easier on both of you in the long run if we can finesse some of this."

When neither of them said anything, Tony leaned forward. "Listen, Cap, I know you don't like lying, but—"

Rogers shook his head, cutting off the rest of the sentence. "If it'll help Bucky, I'll say whatever I need to."

Pepper nodded. "Okay." She set her fork down. "Then I think we should go with clones. We'll admit that HYDRA captured Bucky, experimented on him and kept him in suspended animation, all of which was discovered by his dear friend Captain America when SHIELD fell. Instead of brainwashing him and sending him out on assassinations, however, we'll say that they used him as a template for assassin clones, who were all killed after their job was done." She paused. "Or, if you'd like, we can avoid the suspended animation and say that Bucky is one of the clones."

"No." Rogers' voice was hard. "HYDRA doesn't get to take any more of Bucky's past."

Barnes looked uncomfortable. "I don't want Steve's life to get harder, but I don't know if I should really be let off the hook that easily." He glanced at Tony, who gave him what he hoped was a supportive nod – most people didn't really look to him for that sort of thing. Barnes expression eased, just a little, so hopefully he'd done a decent job at it.

"From everything you've told me, HYDRA took away your free agency so completely that the person who did the killings wasn't Bucky Barnes by any legal standards," Pepper said gently. "Changing the story slightly to cloning instead of brainwashing will simply make that fact easier for the public to understand."

"Because the public is stupid," Tony finished, taking another forkful of noodles. "I'm pretty sure no supervillain has actually cloned humans yet, but Bruce, Betty and I can spin the science enough to make it entirely—" He stopped, remembering one of the files that had seemed more amusing than horrifying at the time. "There was a cloning project, sometime in the mid-60s. HYDRA abandoned it when the science didn't work out, but we can say that they just lied and took the project off the books."

Pepper nodded, considering it. "That could work." She turned back to Barnes and Rogers, watching both their faces. "I know you probably don't want to deal with this right now, but you should probably hold a press conference sooner rather than later."

Rogers sighed, looking lost. "Last time I had anything to do with a press conference was the 1940s. Back then, all I had to do was smile and read the script." He glanced over at Barnes, who was looking miserable at the very thought, and reached over to presumably squeeze his leg. "We'll get through this, Buck. I promise. If you want, I can do the talking."

Pepper smiled at them both. "If you'd be willing, I'd be happy to write the script."

"And I will, quite generously, be my usual loud attention-grabbing self and do what I can to distract some of the stupider reporters." Tony took another sip of wine. "Just let us know when you want to do this."

Barnes and Rogers looked at each other, then Barnes sighed. "When we have to."

Tony nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, that's how it usually works." He gestured to the plate of food in front of him. "Here, have some shrimp curry."

Steve raised an amused eyebrow. "Not on your life, Stark."

Tony grinned. "Can't blame a guy for trying."


	11. Movie Night

Technically, they should have left after dinner. Steve had been about to make his apologies, sure they'd intruded enough, when Stark – he should really start calling him Tony – had asked him if there were any movies on his list.

When Steve mentioned the words "Star Trek," Tony's eyes had lit up.

"I'm not going to subject you to 'Star Trek: The Motion Picture,' which I'm pretty sure was banned by the Geneva Convention." Tony waved his hands in the air as he led everyone down to his in-home movie theater. "'Wrath of Khan' is technically the second in the series, but since the filmmakers assumed no one had actually _seen_ the first one you should be able to catch—"

" _Tony_." Pepper's voice was surprisingly sharp as she narrowed her eyes at Tony. "You do _remember_ the plot of 'The Wrath of Khan,' don't you? _And_ 'Search for Spock'?"

Tony, to Steve's surprise, actually skidded to a stop. "Ah. You have a point. Death and memory loss might not go over so well." He turned around, expression bright. "Reboot, anyone?"

Steve just nodded, having no idea what Tony meant, but he did end up really liking the movie. This was the kind of future people hoped for in the 40s – instead of the military they had explorers and scientists, and a whole bunch of species lived together in one larger society. The guy who started the fighting actually came in from a different dimension. He was tempted to cover Bucky's eyes every time they cut to a scene of Pike being tortured on the table, but Bucky rolled his head so his face was against Steve's shoulder and that did the job just as well. 

The rest of it was good, though, especially the characters. Kirk clearly had a good heart, and Steve sympathized with the fact that he could never seem to keep his mouth closed at the right time. Uhura was tough, even though they didn't give her enough to do – she could probably run the entire ship if they'd let her. And Spock – well, he could understand what it felt like to lose everything you'd ever known.

"I actually feel kind of bad for Nero," Bucky whispered at one point, low enough that Tony and Pepper couldn't hear. He was tucked up under Steve's arm, his entire body relaxed like he knew that was where he belonged. "I know what it's like to be crazy."

He sounded sad, and Steve felt an edge of worry as he looked down at the man he loved. "You're not like him at all," he murmured back. "Actually, you remind me a lot more of Spock."

Bucky lifted his head enough to raise an eyebrow. "The calm, logical guy? Really?"

"You saw him beat Kirk up when the guy insulted his mother. He's not that calm." Steve smiled. "But he's probably the bravest guy in the movie."

Bucky's own lips curved upward a little. "And you're probably a little bit prejudiced when it comes to me."

"Probably." Steve pulled him a little bit closer. "But it's still true. Spock lost everything, and he still got back in there and fought harder than everyone else."

Bucky sighed. "He didn't have to worry about losing control and hurting people."

Steve closed his eyes. "That's not what I meant. The way you've fought back from what HYDRA did to you is one of the most heroic things I've ever seen." He pressed a kiss against Bucky's hair. "Though I still think you're not paying enough attention to that scene where he nearly killed Kirk. If he hadn't gotten himself back under control, he might have."

"You're right," Bucky murmured, sounding thoughtful. He didn't say anything after that, but Steve got the sense that his words had sunk in at least a little.

Once the movie was over, the lights came back on. "Anyone up for 'Into Darkness'?" Tony asked before anyone could stand up. "The plotline's kind of a mess when you compare it to 'Wrath of Khan,' but it stays with this version of the universe and they—"

"Sir," JARVIS chimed in, cutting him off. "You asked me to stop you from delivering plot spoilers."

Tony waved his hands. "Fine, fine."

Pepper stood up, stretching. "Some of us have grown-up work to do." She leaned down, giving Tony a quick kiss. "You boys have fun, and try not to stay up past your bedtime."

Tony watched her go, looking just as dopily in love as Steve felt, then turned back to him and Bucky with an imploring look. "Come on, what do you say? I'll have JARVIS make us popcorn for this one."

Steve glanced down at Bucky, who was looking just as amused as Steve felt. "Extra butter."

They both pretended not to see Tony pump his fist in the air.


	12. By Your Side

Bucky didn't pay as much attention to the second movie.

He really could make Steve stop being Captain America. He knew that, knew that Steve would never lie to him. Knew that he was crazy enough to give up his whole life if that was what Bucky wanted, and a part of him was tempted to let Steve do it. To imagine that the rest of their lives could be like this, snuggling up on the couch watching a movie. The kind of life that would keep the Winter Soldier locked up only in his nightmares.

But being able to make choices again meant you were responsible for making the right one. Destruction was the one thing Bucky knew he was good at, that and making sure Steve took care of himself, and taking Steve away from the fight felt like too much of the first one and not enough of the second. He still wasn't sure he could pick up a weapon again, no matter what Natasha said, but maybe he didn't need to. Maybe that arm of his could do enough damage to help keep Steve safe.

When this movie was done, Stark stretched out lazily. "We should do this more often," he said cheerfully, a satisfied expression on his face. "Avengers movie night. A reminder that even superheroes need some time off and pointless commentary about Abrams' addiction to lens flares."

"The two of us don't exactly count as the Avengers," Steve said wryly, making no move to get up. Bucky wondered if he should be the one to start the process, then decided he didn't want to just yet.

Tony waved his hand dismissively. "I'll drag Bruce in the next time he's in the country, and you do the same with Natasha. Hopefully, she'll know where to find Barton." He paused, brow furrowing in thought. "Is Thor still on earth after that whole thing in London?"

Steve shrugged. "I have no idea. We don't keep in touch."

"We should, you know. I honestly have no idea why I didn't try to call one of you during that whole mess with the Mandarin." He shook his head slightly. "It just never occurred to me."

Steve sighed. "We're too used to handling things on our own, I guess."

Tony raised an eyebrow, looking meaningfully down at Bucky. He flipped Tony off, making the other man grin. "Yeah, you look like you're really on your own."

Steve grinned as well, but before he could say anything his phone buzzed. When he pulled it out of his pocket to answer it, Bucky reluctantly made himself straighten.

A second later, though, Steve handed the phone to Bucky. "We really need to give them your number," he said, amused.

Confused, Bucky answered the phone. "This is Barnes."

"Clint Barton." The voice on the other end of the phone was male and brisk. "You don't know me, but apparently our significant others are BFFs now so we're about to."

He remembered the name Clint from Steve's earlier conversation with Natasha. He reached for more of it, wanting to sound normal. "How are things in Nogales?"

"A bust. We're going to head up to Nevada to follow that lead Rogers mentioned. We're calling to see if you've got any more details you can give us."

Bucky glanced over at Steve, then rubbed a hand along the back of his neck. "Actually, we'll meet you over there." He could feel Steve go absolutely still beside him, and even Stark paused in interest. "We'll check with Stark, see if he can get us some government maps of the area."

"Always nice to have backup." Suddenly, Barton sounded more interested. "Also means we'll get to meet in person. Tash tells me you're another member of the Brainwash Club."

Bucky winced, but honesty hadn't stabbed him in the back yet. "Yeah."

"As the chapter VP, I'd like to give you an official welcome." He sounded amused, which eased any lingering worry Bucky had. "We finally have enough members to make t-shirts."

After they ended the call, he turned to Tony. "I'm supposed to invite you if you want to come play."

Tony hesitated, then shook his head. "I promised Pepper I'd cut back on the whole Iron Man thing." He pushed himself to his feet. "I can still get you those maps, though. Just tell me what you need."

After he left, Bucky finally risked turning to Steve. "I still need to think up a codename," he said quietly.

Steve let out a breath. "I don't want you to do this just because it's what you think I want to do," he said, voice urgent and gentle all at once.

Bucky hesitated, not sure how to explain that it _was_ mostly about Steve, because honestly nearly everything these days was mostly about Steve (and, as far as he could tell, most of the old days).  He knew he should say that it was about atonement, but he didn't know if it was even possible to atone for things that were as much a part of him now as his metal arm. He was half made up of shadows and screaming, moments of pain completely disconnected from any how or why that made any kind of sense.

The half that mattered was the one that loved Steve, and tried to be the kind of man who deserved to have Steve love him back. And that man, Bucky was slowly starting to realize, had never let fear stop him from doing anything that really mattered.

Rather than try to hunt up words he knew wouldn't be enough, he shrugged off his over shirt and pulled up the sleeve of his t-shirt. He and Stark had finally settled on a design to cover the red star, and even though Stark had teased him about being a sap he'd done the work right then and there.

Steve looked like he wasn't breathing as he reached out and traced the shield on Bucky's arm with the tip of his finger. He couldn't feel much more than pressure, and he found himself looking forward to the surgery Stark had mentioned. "It's my shield," Steve whispered, stunned.

"Yeah." Bucky smiled a little. "I thought about adding a 'If found, please return to Steve Rogers,' but Stark decided it ruined the look."

Steve's only response was to catch Bucky's mouth in a hungry, slightly desperate kiss, as if he was trying to communicate all the same things Bucky had been with the shield. He let himself fall into it, sure enough now to know he wouldn't slip away entirely.

When they broke apart, Stark was grinning at them from the doorway. "Should I leave you two geriatric lovebirds alone?"

When he and Steve flipped him off in unison, Stark just laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There still aren't words for how awed I am about your response to this little universe of mine. When I first started scribbling it down, moments after being so wonderfully emotionally traumatized by "Captain America: The Winter Soldier," I could never have imagined it being so warmly received. I assure you all that you're a big part of the reason why it's grown so large as it has, and why it's continuing to grow. 
> 
> If you're interested in hearing more from me, come check out my original short fiction on my [blog](http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com) or say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com)!


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